College is often an exciting time filled with new knowledge, friendships, and… eccentric professors. If there’s one thing every student has in common, it’s the shared experience of that one professor who seems to live in their own world. Enter Professor Know-It-All. You know the type: a combination of impressive credentials, a mountain of degrees, and an unwavering confidence that they are always, always right. Let’s roast this icon of academia.
The King (or Queen) of Tangents
You’re in class, pen in hand, fully ready to absorb all the wisdom this professor has to offer. The topic is straightforward: World War II, the syllabus says. Twenty minutes in, you’ve somehow landed on a discussion about ancient Roman aqueducts, mixed with a personal anecdote about their dog’s eating habits.
Roast my professor: Professor Know-It-All has a magical ability to turn any simple lesson plan into a wild ride through history, science, their favorite bands from the 70s, and their love for exotic cuisines. Somehow, they always end up miles away from the original topic, leaving you wondering if you’re still in the right class. But hey, at least you’ve now got an exhaustive knowledge of classical architecture and French pastry-making.
The Slide Overlord
In the digital age, PowerPoint slides are a professor’s best friend. But for Professor Know-It-All, this is an art form. Their slides are like something out of an ancient manuscript—cluttered with tiny text, graphs upon graphs, and paragraphs that could fill a small novella. And let’s not forget their dedication to using obscure fonts that make you question whether you need glasses.
You’re sitting there, squinting at the projector, trying to figure out if the text says “photosynthesis” or “Pharaoh’s thesis,” while Professor Know-It-All drones on without noticing half the class has either fallen asleep or entered a state of deep confusion. But no worries, the exam will definitely cover those 150 slides you barely understood!
The Enthusiastic Mispronouncer
Despite holding multiple degrees and being an expert in their field, Professor Know-It-All somehow has a unique talent for butchering every pronunciation known to mankind. Whether it’s common words, names, or phrases, they deliver them with a level of confidence that leaves the class stunned.
“Don’t forget to study the ‘FEE-loh-saw-phy’ of Descartes,” they’ll say, and as the class exchanges confused glances, you wonder how someone so smart can mispronounce “philosophy” like that. But you admire their ability to never second-guess themselves, even when the entire room is giggling.
The “Office Hours” Ghost
Need help with an assignment or some clarification on a confusing topic? No problem! Professor Know-It-All is always available for office hours. Except… they aren’t. You’ve rearranged your entire schedule to fit into their mysterious two-hour window once a week, only to find their office dark and deserted. You send an email, wait for days, and when you finally get a response, it’s so vague that it leaves you more confused than before.
But don’t worry, they’ll definitely respond after the final exam—perhaps with a cryptic note about “continuous learning” or a deep quote that feels like it was pulled from a fortune cookie.
The Grading Enigma
One of Professor Know-It-All’s most baffling qualities is their grading system. You’ve spent hours perfecting your essay, double-checked your sources, and even included a couple of fancy footnotes. Feeling confident, you submit it with a smile. A week later, your paper is returned with a C+ and a note that reads, “Interesting thoughts, but lacks depth.” Lacks depth? You wrote a whole thesis on the economic impacts of the Cold War!
Meanwhile, your friend who wrote their essay at 3 AM the night before gets an A. They don’t even know how to pronounce “Cold War,” yet somehow they’ve nailed it. Ah, the mysteries of Professor Know-It-All’s mind!
The Tech-Savvy Dinosaur
Despite their impressive academic credentials, Professor Know-It-All struggles with technology in ways that would make even a toddler look like a Silicon Valley prodigy. It takes a full 10 minutes at the start of each class to get the projector working, and even then, they can’t figure out how to share their screen.
Watching them try to navigate a Zoom lecture is like watching someone battle a Hydra—mute button on, mute button off, camera off, slides disappearing into the abyss. By the time the technical difficulties are sorted, half the class has logged off in frustration, but Professor Know-It-All is none the wiser.
Conclusion:
All Hail the Legendary Professor Know-It-All
At the end of the day, despite all the tangents, mispronunciations, and PowerPoint chaos, we still secretly admire Professor Know-It-All. Their quirks, while frustrating, make for great stories and unforgettable college memories. After all, it’s not just the facts and figures we learn in school; it’s the people, the experiences, and yes, even the roast-worthy professors that make it all worthwhile.
